March Matchups: A New Beginning!

Hello everyone and welcome to March Matchups the biggest extravaganza ever to hit the Blogosphere! So much has changed since last year when Hulk Hogan defeated Ric Flair and Bruno Sammartino in a "triple threat" match. The Dudleys trashed the Rangers In Seven Arena, but instead of just refurbishing it, I decided to get a brand new arena built.

OK first, rumors that I fleeced the city council for funding are highly exaggerated. Second, the old Rangers In Seven Arena just wasn’t up to snuff. Yes, we were able to cram 80,000 people into the building and it also had 5,000 luxury boxes. But there was one huge problem: the popcorn machines.

Gosh darn it, I give the fans what they want and they wanted popcorn machines that could pump out popcorn like nobody’s business! So in this brand new arena that I am standing in right now you will find that we have the world’s fastest, most sophisticated popcorn machines anywhere.

The seating capacity is again 80,000 but this time we have 10,000 luxurious luxury boxes. I once heard Martha Stewart use the words ‘perfectly perfect’ in succession, well I almost gagged, but that’s what this arena is. It’s better than perfect! That is, until a few years from now when it becomes obsolete.

Oh and unlike some new stadiums that are selling out to corporate sponsors, I would not partake in such gluttony. No this arena is about competition and fierce battles amongst gladiators, and who represents that better than the late Big Dick Dudley? So, ladies and gentleman, I welcome you to the brand new Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum!

Let’s go to the ring…

We start out by welcoming our commentators, Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler who take their seats at the broadcast table at ringside. A video recording of the late Kate Smith singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" plays on the Dudleytron (more on that later).

Next, the lovely and talented Lilian Garcia comes down to the ring and is greeted by thunderous applause. She’ll not only serve as the ring announcer, but will also sing "America the Beautiful." The above video is of Lilian performing the song at a Monday Night Raw show on September 11, 2006.

Garcia, a self-professed "military brat," always puts a great deal of passion into her renditions of "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "America the Beautiful," which is quite evident here with the latter song.