Monday, March 31, 2008

Wrestlemania Recap

24-Man Battle Royale
My pick: Kane. The winner: Kane. Not shown on pay-per-view but I read some surprisingly good reviews about it.

Finlay vs. JBL
I said Finlay. John Bradshaw Layfield won. JBL looks like he’s dropped a good amount of weight since he returned to the ring. There’s a bunch of unanswered questions with this one. I wonder if JBL is going to move on to fighting someone else or if more will be revealed about the Horsnwoggle-Finlay relationship?

Money in the Bank
I said CM Punk. The winner: CM Punk. Just a great match and may have been my favorite of the show.

Batista vs. Umaga
I said Umaga: Winner: Batista. Good hard-hitting match.

Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair
I said Shawn Michaels: The winner: Shawn Michaels. There was a piece of me that thought Flair and wanted him to win. But it just wasn’t meant to be. I’m really surprised this match wasn’t last. It would have been a great finish to have Flair enjoy the spotlight for as long as he wanted in front of a huge crowd one last time.

I said Maria and Ashley. Winner: Beth Phoenix and Melina. Question: Where’s Mickie James?

E.C.W. Champion Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane
I said: Kane. Winner: Kane. Match lasted under 10 seconds; supposedly Chavo was being punished for hanging out backstage at a T.N.A. Event.

John Cena vs. Triple H vs. W.W.E. Champ Randy Orton
I said Randy Orton. The winner: Randy Orton. Sometimes when everyone is saying a match is going to go a certain way, it goes in the complete opposite direction.

Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather
I didn’t really predict a winner in this one, did I? I really thought there would be some kind of screwjob, like another wrestler running in. But Mayweather used brass knuckles and some chair shots to score the win. First half of the match was awful, but then the bout picked up the pace and intensity.

The Undertaker vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge
Superb match. I said: Undertaker. The Winner: Undertaker. The last 10 minutes or so of the match showed how good these two guys are.

- Orlando crowd was dead.
- Ric Flair looked to be in phenomenal shape. Forget being in that good of shape when I am 58, I want to be in that kind of condition now – at 33. Like the late Gorilla Monsoon would say, “You don’t get to look like that waiting for the bus!” Time to hit the weight room.
- Edge put on a great show with The Undertaker.
- Where is the Mayweather-Show angle going?
- I was way off on the order of the matches.
- Good to see Matt Hardy renew his rivalry with M.V.P.
- No question to me now that the original plan was for Jeff Hardy to win the M.I.T.B. and then he would have cashed it in later in the night against Randy Orton. You wonder if Hardy will ever return to the level he was at.
- Which champion will CM Punk face when he cashes in his M.I.T.B. victory?
- Whatever happened to tag team wrestling?
- As far as my picks, I did fine (6-4). But I really prefer to be completely wrong. It was a very good show, though.

Happy Birthday Mr. Hockey!

A true legend of hockey celebrates his 80th birthday today: "Mr. Hockey" himself, the great Gordie Howe. No question in most people's minds that he is one of the greatest hockey players ever. A true gentleman off the ice, but an absolute buzzsaw on it!

And then there's this...

Music is a great healer and I know that if I'm ever bummed out that these guys will provide me with a pick-me-up. I get goosebumps every time I watch or listen to this particular performance of The Who when they took the stage at Madison Square Garden in October 2001. It was the Concert for New York - which was spearheaded largely by Paul McCartney in the wake of that awful day in September - where the boys from Shepherd's Bush, London, really knocked everyone's socks off when they came on.

Longtime manager Bill Curbishley, McCartney, Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton, Bono and The Edge have all stated how blown away they were by The Who that night. From around the 3:55 mark on begins the "orgasmic climax" of this great song: Baba O'Riley!

(October 9, 1944 – June 27, 2002)

Sunday, March 30, 2008

March Matchups: Carole and Paula Say Goodbye

Well, ladies and gentleman welcome back to the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum! Unfortunately, the Hulk Hogan-Steve Austin bout will not come off this year due to some literally last-minute contract negotiations hitting a snag. Nonetheless, thanks very much to all the fans that filled up the Coliseum!

Carole and Paula of The Magic Garden take us out as only those two know how to do!

Keep it in the Ring!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Wrestlemania XXIV Predictions

The Super Bowl of pro wrestling, uh I mean sports entertainment, comes your way this Sunday night from the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida. I originally had started a post in which I wrote my own script for Wrestlemania 24, but I found it to be too hard because I have no idea where the storylines could go and that's what makes this year's Wrestlemania so exciting for me, that it is so unpredictable. I've read that as of a few months ago the W.W.E. wanted to add more of a surprise element to their pay-per-views to keep the fans guessing, which of course means more pay-per-view buy$. I hope they stick with it and that they do throw us a few curveballs Sunday night. So here are my predictions for Wrestlemania XXIV which also includes what I think will be the order of the matches:

24-Man Battle Royale
It was announced on the E.C.W. show Tuesday night that the 24-man battle royale will be the "dark match," although not so dark. You will be able to see it on, but it will not be seen as part of the pay-per-view purchase as originally planned. The winner will get a shot at Chavo Guerrero and the E.C.W. Championship. So who do I see winning the battle royale? Your guess is as good as mine. I’d love to see Kane win it and then beat Chavo for the belt. But who knows? The only other reasonable choice is Tommy Dreamer. My pick: Kane.

Money in the Bank
The opening match of a pay-per-view sets the stage oftentimes for the rest of the event. That’s why I like the idea of having the Money in the Bank ladder match kick the show off. I’d also love to see Matt Hardy come out as a surprise, but then they would have to explain why he did not qualify for the bout as the other seven participants were required to do. Wrestling storylines are not always fully explained though, so it could possibly happen. Maybe, Hardy costs M.V.P. the match, thus renewing their rivalry. It’s hard for me to pick this one, but I will go with CM Punk. Hopefully, he will be moving to Monday Night Raw when the W.W.E. holds their draft at the end of April. Mr. Kennedy says he will cash it in if he wins, but I doubt the W.W.E. would have Kennedy face the winner of the triple threat match at the end of the night. So I'll stick with CM Punk.

Finlay vs. JBL
After M.I.T.B. I think they will have JBL (John Bradshaw Layfield) square off with Finlay. I fully expect Horngswoggle to show up to help out his “father.” This match is a “Bellfast Brawl” so it’s going to be bloody! But there is so much that needs to be explained in this storyline. How did JBL find out that Finlay was Horny's dad? What was the agreement between Mr. McMahon and Finlay? As I previously stated, not all holes are filled when it comes to wrestling angles. Incidentally, I know many fans are on the watch for Honswoggle. Maybe we should establish our own "leprechaun watch" like they have in Tipperary, Ireland. Click here for some laughs.

Next will be the “Bunnymania” bout - whatever that means! Ashley and Maria I believe will score the win over Melina and Beth Phoenix with in all likelihood Maria pinning Melina. Remember this is a "lumberjill" match so there will be plenty of divas surrounding the ring making sure no one in the match tries to escape. I'd prefer Victoria to fight Beth Phoenix, but since that isn't in the cards I'll be most interested to see if Mickie James (above left) shows up. She hasn't been on television in nearly two months!

Batista vs. Umaga
Umaga takes on Batista in what has the potential to be a really good bout. Umaga, it seems, either squashes Lilliputians like Brian Kendrick and Paul London or loses to legit stars. I’d love to see the "Samoan Bulldozer" get a win over Batista, even if it is by some kind of screwjob. Again, with the W.W.E. draft coming up in late April, I would guess that based on all the rumors going around that Umaga is destined for the Smackdown roster. Wrestlemania would be a good spot to start a feud between the two.

E.C.W. Champion Chavo Guerrero vs. Kane?
Up next will be the E.C.W. Championship being defended by Chavo Guerrero against Kane. For the life of me I don’t understand why the “Big Red Machine” is so underutilized, but he is. Give him the E.C.W. Title and make him an unstoppable type like Big Show was when he held the belt is what I would do. Of course, all this predicates on Kane winning the battle royale.

Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather
Next, I’m betting will be Floyd Mayweather vs. Big Show (Mayweather gets sent flying by the Big Show on the right) . I have no idea what type of match this will be. Boxing? Wrestling? Judo? Kung fu? Good? Bad? No clue. This could be great or it could be a real dog. I see it ending in mass chaos, that hopefully won’t turn real. Rumors abound that 50 Cent will be in Mayweather’s corner. What would really throw things into a tailspin would be if “Psycho” Sid came out and confronted Show. I’ve been reading for a while now that Sid wants to come back, putting him in this spot would set up a real good feud between Sid-Show. We shall see or perhaps could we see Show's buddy Hulk Hogan come out? Never say never...

The Undertaker vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge
Edge will try to end the streak of The Undertaker, 15-0 at Wrestlemania. This streak is too lucrative for the W.W.E. to end, so ‘taker will go home with the World Championship and his winning streak intact. I’d like to see no outside interference from the "Edgeheads," because Edge doesn’t need it to enhance his character. We could have a four-star match on our hands.

John Cena vs. Triple H vs. W.W.E. Champ Randy Orton
I have no idea who is going to win this one either. Cena is busy filming a movie in New Orleans and Triple H’s wife Stephanie McMahon is due to have a baby in September. Does that mean he won’t be on the road much in the late summer and the rest of the year? I think Orton wins this one with the help of Triple H. I'm betting that Hunter will turn heel and this will kick off a long feud between HHH (Hunter Hearst Helmsley) and John Cena.

Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair
Having the Michaels-Flair match last allows for Orton to be victorious, if Michaels-Flair is not the finale, then I doubt the show would end with a heal champion. Regardless, as soon as this match was rumored on the Internet and then became finalized, I knew that no matter what else was on the card, I would be ordering Wrestlemania.

Ric Flair’s career started before I was born and the "Nature Boy" had to overcome an airplane crash to go on to become a 16-time World Champion. Michaels always brings his best and you can bet that he will do all that and more in a match that will end his idol’s career. But wouldn’t it be great to see Flair win? They could sell it that Shawn Michaels did not have his head or his heart into it. I’m really torn on this one.

But it is painfully obvious that we've reached the point that Ric Flair is way past his prime and is nothing like what he was when he would do his classic interviews on World Championship Wrestling on Superstation TBS. But I hate seeing good things come to an end. Yet, all things must pass! I can only imagine what the scene will be like when the match is over and all the guys come out from the back. It will be emotional, no question about it. Yes, would I love to see Flair basking in the glory in front of 75,000 people after a victory, of course. But look for H.B.K. to win a classic and the two shaking hands when it is all over.

So long Naitch!

Keep it in the Ring!

R.B.I. and W.M.D.

I am fascinated by the English language. I sometimes get my ya-ya's out by examining common usage mistakes. The other night I thought of one while Bill Daughtry was delivering his sports update on ESPN Radio. He said that so and so "had 11 R.B.I." Quite often, I hear people say for instance that "Derek Jeter has 65 R.B.I.s." So what gives?

I got this from the Washington State University website:

Some people reason that since “RBI” stands for “runs batted in,” there is no need for an additional “S” to indicate a plural, and speak of “120 RBI.” However, though somewhat illogical, it is standard to treat the initialism as a word and say “RBIs.” In writing, one can add an optional apostrophe: “RBI’s.” Definitely nonstandard is the logical but weird “RsBI.”

The same pattern applies to other such plural initialisms as “WMDs” (“weapons of mass destruction,” “POWs” (“prisoners of war”), and “MREs” (“meals ready to eat”); but “RPMs” (“revolutions per minute”) is less widely accepted.

Confused? Well, for more click this.

Another one is when people say "I graduated from such and such a school," when really we should say "I was graduated from such and such."

The says this:

The verb graduate has denoted the action of conferring an academic degree or diploma since at least 1421. Accordingly, the action of receiving a degree should be expressed in the passive, as in She was graduated from Yale in 1998. This use is still current, if old-fashioned, and is acceptable to 78 percent of the Usage Panel. In general usage, however, it has largely yielded to the much more recent active pattern (first attested in 1807): She graduated from Yale in 1998.

Or is this all entirely too nerdy for you?

Inside The Squared Circle: Rey Mysterio Update, Shawn Michaels Interview, Orlando Is The Wrestling Capital This Weekend

There is so much going on right now in the world of pro wrestling it is hard to keep up. So here is a quick rundown:

Rey Mysterio had to have more than one surgery to repair his torn bicep. Reportedly, this was because of an infection of some sorts. He is targeting a June return and although he will be at Wrestlemania, it is uncertain if he will be on-camera at any point.

Ric Flair has said he is training as hard for his match with Shawn Michaels as he did when he fought Ricky Steamboat back in the day. An absolutely must-read interview in the Miami Herald with Shawn Michaels here.

Everything that is taking place this weekend in Orlando you can find by clicking this, which is the WESH T.V. website. There is a ton going on as not only will the W.W.E. be in Orlando but also rival promotions, T.N.A. and R.O.H.

Meanwhile, this link talks about the THQ Superstar Challenge.

That's all I know for right now!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wrestlemania Flashback: The British Bulldogs Become Champions

The second installment of Wrestlemania took place at three different arenas in April of 1986. While Hulk Hogan-King Kong Bundy in a steel cage match; a battle royale featuring N.F.L. players and wrestlers; and a boxing match between Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper were all the rage, there was one bout that for the wrestling purest, stood tallest.

That match was when the upstart British Bulldogs (the late Davey Boy Smith and the Dynamite Kid) defeated W.W.E. Tag Team Champions Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and Brutus Beefcake to become new champions. The Bulldogs had their manager Captain Lou Albano and rocker Ozzy Osbourne in their corner, while the “Dream Team” had their manager “Luscious” Johnny Valiant on their side of the ring.

This match saw a mixing of several different styles: the sheer power of Smith, the lighting speed of the Dynamite Kid, the methodical aggression of Valentine, and the all-around athleticism of the young Brutus. The bout also included a second referee to keep an eye on the “bad guys.”

The Bulldogs (pictured atop this post) were victorious and in doing so had finally overtaken the “Dream Team” to take home the tag team gold. I saw this matchup recently on WWE 24/7 and all I can say is that it is one that really went under the radar.

That particular Wrestlemania was the most overdone in terms of celebrity involvement – I mean William “The Refrigerator” Perry in a wrestling ring? But there were some otherwise very good matches.

For me, this match was the best of the show.

Brodeur vs. Lundqvist: Now This Is Weird

I have a tremendous amount of respect for the New Jersey Devils and Martin Brodeur, so that’s why I was so surprised to read the pubescent remarks from Marty regarding Henrik Lundqvist in this morning’s New York Post.

“The King,” he says is weird! Brodeur said in a Sports Illustrated article that Henrik’s style of play is "weird. Brodeur adds that he was miffed as a result of not being acknowledged by the New York goalie during the N.H.L. awards ceremony last summer in Toronto.

No actually Marty, what’s weird is that the Devs were in first place but are beginning another descent. What’s weird is that the Devils have been owned by the Rangers this season and that you, have been schooled by Lundqvist.

It seems that the Rangers might be getting to you. I mean seriously, crying about the fact that Lundqvist didn’t come up and bow down to you at the awards ceremony, is like when Mark Messier got bent out of shape that Neil Smith didn’t have a beer with him in the summer of 1997. I mean really, Martin Brodeur, an all-time great is worried about the Rangers and Henrik Lundqvist? Oh well.

I think this whole thing is a bit comical! So are the Rangers becoming like the W.W.E.'s Boogeyman (featured above) for the Devils and Mr. Brodeur? Nonetheless, it adds some more spice to tonight's game at Madison Square Garden.

To read Larry Brooks’ story, click this.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Wrestlemania Flashback: Owen Beats Big Brother Bret Hart

It was the first Wrestlemania that would not feature Hulk Hogan. Wrestlemania X was more humble than the previous nine, though it will always stand as one of my favorites.

There were two matches in particular that really made the event worthwhile, in my estimation. Razor Ramon vs. Shawn Michaels in a ladder match for the W.W.E. Intercontinental Championship was an exceptional contest that made everyone stand up and take notice of Michaels. Yet, Owen Hart’s victory over his older brother Bret in the opening match, was for me the highlight of the show. Sure, you could even make an argument that the Yokozuna-Bret match was a pretty good one, which saw Bret Hart winning the W.W.E. Championship in the finale and yes there were some other matches that were very good, but the Bret-Owen match was just awesome in my opinion. Bret-Owen and Michaels-Ramon were out-of-this-world type of matches, they were both that good!

Madison Square Garden was “packed to the rafters” on that Sunday in March 1994. Bret was scheduled to face Owen and then later take on the winner of the match between W.W.E. Champion Yokozuna and Lex Lugar. Rumor has it that Lex Lugar was supposed to win the W.W.E. Championship, but because he was bragging about it at a bar a night or two before, those plans were scrapped. It's too bad, because Bret vs. Lugar (two "good guys" at the time) would have been something!

Bret "The Hitman" Hart lost to his younger brother Owen (pictured above) in a contest that was scripted beautifully going in, and the story that these two wrestlers told during the match was even better. The matchup was sibling rivalry at its best with the younger brother coming out on top!

Now if someone could just please explain to me why the late Owen Hart (May 7, 1965 – May 23, 1999) is not in the W.W.E. Hall of Fame. Oh well, I guess only time will tell whether or not that long overdue honor will occur.

Sean Kilkelly Hears The Who!

and maybe you will too! From the Associated Press:

NEW YORK (AP) — VH1 holds The Who in such high regard that the rock group is the only act being honored at its upcoming Rock Honors.

Now in its third year, the Rock Honors typically celebrate a handful of momentous rock groups and artists: previous honorees have included ZZ Top, Genesis, Kiss and Queen.

But this year, only the Who will be celebrated during the two-hour broadcast, to be taped July 12 in Los Angeles and aired on the network July 17. The group, which now consists surviving members Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend, is due to perform along with other acts who will pay tribute to the legendary band.

"The Who defined the rock era. Their music truly pushed boundaries, connected with millions of rock fans and inspired countless bands to fulfill their own musical destinies," said Tom Calderone, VH1's executive vice president and general manager.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Famers came to prominence in the 1960s with hits like "The Kids Are Alright," "My Generation," and created the groundbreaking rock opera "Tommy."

Drummer Keith Moon died of an overdose of prescription drugs in 1978, and bass guitarist John Entwistle was found dead of a heart attack in a Las Vegas hotel room in 2002.

The rest is from me...

Meanwhile, a biography on Pete Townshend is slated to be released in America this fall. Click this for more.

Live From The Sunshine State: The W.W.E. Hall of Fame Beckons For Gordon Solie

Every sport has an announcer that was just made to broadcast that particular sport. Francis Jonard Labiak, better known as Gordon Solie, was destined to broadcast professional wrestling. The W.W.E. announced last night on their E.C.W. show that Solie will indeed be inducted into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame this Saturday night.

It makes perfect sense because the induction ceremonies are being held in Orlando, Florida; a state where Solie is well-recognized because he was the main guy on the Championship Wrestling from Florida television shows.

The late Solie was quite critical of Vince McMahon and the direction he was taking pro wrestling, however he never came across as bitter in the way that Bruno Sammartino often does.

Jim Ross, a Hall of Fame member himself, will get the honor of inducting Solie into the Hall.

Solie is the final member of this year’s Hall of Fame class to be announced, the other inductees are Ric Flair, Florida promoter Eddie Graham, Jack & Gerald Brisco, Mae Young, Rocky Johnson and Peter Maivia.

For more on Gordon Solie, here is a website that I came across.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Wrestlemania Flashback: The Slam Felt 'Round The World

When I think back to prior Wrestlemanias that stood out for me, I go right to Wrestlemania III at the Pontiac Silverdome in Michigan. That event, which was held at the end of March 1987, set an indoor attendance record of 93,173.

Yes, from a pure wrestling standpoint, the match that saw Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat defeat Randy "Macho Man" Savage for the W.W.E. Intercontinental Championship shined the brightest. But the throngs of folks that filled the Silverdome were there to see Hulk Hogan defend his W.W.E. Championship against Andre The Giant. Hogan was champion for over three years, while Andre was “undefeated” for 15 years.

The two had met before – despite what the W.W.E. was saying on television – most notably at Shea Stadium in 1980. Hogan was never the greatest wrestler, nor was Andre for that matter, but the two were great attractions: Hogan for his charisma, and Andre for his size.

The match concluded with flashbulbs popping all throughout the football stadium when Hulk picked up the 500-pound behemoth and body slammed him. Hogan then finished the bout off with his usual legdrop which was followed by the three count.

The first two Wrestlemanias were both very good, but the third installment raised the bar to a level that every Wrestlemania would have to live up to. Some have, some have not. The question is will this year’s edition that takes place Sunday night at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida, live up to the hype? Time will tell.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Ric Flair Day

We’re just a few days away from the biggest event in “sports entertainment,” that being Wrestlemania 24 at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando, Florida.

Meanwhile, today is “Ric Flair Day” in Columbia, South Carolina, where this evening’s Monday Night Raw is being held. Flair (pictured above on the campaign trail several months ago and to the left of Mike Huckabee) will be given the key to the city by Columbia’s mayor and is slated to speak tonight on Raw in what probably will be a pretty emotional “goodbye” speech by the former 16-time heavyweight champion of the world.

He’ll face Shawn Michaels on Sunday, with of course the continual stipulation standing, which is that if Flair loses, his career is done. Ric Flair will be inducted into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame on Saturday night, reportedly by Triple H, although Jack Nicholson had been rumored. This presumably stemmed from some comments made by the actor a few years ago that he would love to induct Flair into the Hall.

I’ll have more on the Flair-Michaels match and my other Wrestlemania predictions and some flashbacks as the week continues…

Friday, March 21, 2008

March Matchups: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Shark Boy?

Well that’s it folks, we’ve got one more match here at March Matchups and that will take place next Sunday, the same day as Wrestlemania 24. Of course, that will be when Hulk Hogan squares off against “Stone Cold” Steve Austin here at the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum. Next week, I’ll preview Wrestlemania and also take a walk down memory lane with a look back at some of my favorite Wrestlemania matches.

But before we go any further…why wait just a second! Look who has come out to join us…it’s Shark Boy from T.N.A. (Total Nonstop Action)! This is the guy who has been copying Steve Austin’s shtick, albeit with a few differences. For example, instead of drinking beer, Shark Boy drinks clam juice. But wait, just as Shark Boy (pictured above) enters the ring, we hear the music of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin and the real person comes out. He hits Shark Boy with the stunner and referee Billy Barty counts one, two, three for the Austin pinfall victory in an impromptu match. This whole episode proves that although imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, it might just get you a stunner.

While Austin celebrates with a beer bash in the ring and Shark Boy lays on the mat groggy, Hulk Hogan appears just outside the squared circle. The two appear ready to fight, but we will all have to wait until March 30 for the dream match of the century to take place! Too bad Shark Boy won't be able to watch that match here at the Coliseum, because it looks like he's headed back to the shark tank (featured above left) inside the Sports Haven on 600 Long Wharf Drive in New Haven, Connecticut.

Keep it in the Ring!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

March Matchups: Abbott & Costello vs. Laurel & Hardy vs. The Three Stooges with Peter Sellers as Special Referee

I’m a big fan of “fatal four-way” and “triple threat” matches, so I decided to put together a “triple threat” match of the comedy teams here at the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum. Our latest installment in March Matchups features Abbott & Costello vs. Laurel & Hardy vs. The Three Stooges. I’ve asked Billy Barty to take a breather from his officiating duties to allow Peter Sellers to work this bout.

Bud Abbott & Lou Costello are probably most widely-known for their “Who’s On First?” baseball routine. Yet, they have been in countless movies and also had their own show on radio and television. My favorite movie that they were in is Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein, but one that doesn’t get too much attention that is R.O.F.L.M.A.O. funny is Who Done It? A radio play, a murder and Bud Abbott and Lou Costello equals nonstop laughter and that’s what you will get in Who Done It!

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy were in the classic, March of the Wooden Soldiers, made in 1934. It seems like around the holidays this movie was always a staple on WPIX in New York during the 1980’s. Although I think it’s a very funny and highly creative movie, I never really found the duo to be too funny in some of their other forays.

The Three Stooges (Moe, Larry and Curly, but actually six if you count Joe, "Curly-Joe" and Shemp) would have the advantage in a wrestling match if they were able to disguise their moves from the referee. I mean the trio was way ahead of the times in their use of “foreign objects” such as frying pans and the like. So that’s why I went out and got such an outstanding referee in Peter Sellers. We all know him for his role as the bumbling “Inspector Clouseau” in The Pink Panther. Or perhaps you remember him for his portrayal of three different characters in Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. But I’ll give you one that may have slipped under the radar, A Shot in the Dark, which is actually the second film in the Pink Panther series. Funny, funny, funny!

Sellers maintains order throughout this contest, although there are some “guaranteed laughs.” But in the end, straight man Bud Abbott and his portly buddy Lou Costello get the duke.

March Matchups: The Dudley Boyz Rule In A Fatal Four-Way!

Next thing I know, I’m backstage and The Dudleys are complaining that there are all of these tag teams around that own a tag team championship in one promotion or another, when they are the best team in the world and don't hold any title. The Dudleys demand a match against all of “the so-called championship tag teams.” I ponder this for a moment - hey there’s that word again - and decide to make it a “fatal four-way match.”

Here are the participants: World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly, W.W.E. Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz, T.N.A. Tag Team Champs AJ Styles and Tomko and then finally The Dudley Boyz. Unfortunately, tag team wrestling isn’t what it once was and so the competition is a bit lacking. This is quite evident by the fact that the Dudleys run roughshod over all of their opponents and quickly win this match with Bubba pinning John Morrison. Thus, the Dudley Boyz (pictured above) take home all of the tag team gold, proving once again that they are the greatest tag team around! I'm sure older brother, the late Big Dick Dudley would be proud.

Don’t forget they will be coming to New Rochelle next month. For more information, click here.

March Matchups: Art Bell vs. George Noory

Today's bout is a featured match between two overnight broadcasters: Art Bell and George Noory. Let's go to the ring...

Every night somewhere, Coast to Coast AM comes on the radio, and the journey through the evening begins with the opening chords of “The Chase” from the movie Midnight Express. The show covers the paranormal, the weird, the wacky, the Illuminati, and so on and so forth. They talk politics and world affairs; and the show discusses money and has for years touted investing in gold. It debuted in the 1980’s and the number of listeners and the availability of the show is staggering. Over 500 stations pick it up across the United States alone and it is also aired around the world and of course on the Internet. There are numerous telephone numbers for listeners to call in on such as the “east of the Rockies” line, the “west of the Rockies” line, and the “wild card” line.

Art Bell founded the show and is at this point in semi-retirement. He’ll host from time to time on the weekend and also will do his annual Ghost to Ghost show on Halloween. Bell, has retired many, many times, one particular time was when his son was kidnapped. Normally, Bell, a former member of the U.S. Army, is based in Las Vegas, which he refers to as the "high desert." However, he did his show from the Philippines for a time when he married a woman from that country. These days, as far as I know, Bell is back in the United States.

It’s called the best half-hour in radio and to be honest, I agree. George Noory, a former member of the U.S. Navy opens his radio show with a couple of quick things and then goes to commercial. When he comes back he gives you all the news of the day, plus some nuggets about the bizarre. Noory reports not only the news that we all hear, but he’ll give you stuff from literally all over the globe with more analysis. Noory started doing the show part-time in 2001, before becoming full-time in 2005. He is based in L.A., with the rare occasion being when he is in St. Louis.

Ian Punnett is also a host and does a special edition on the Internet. To be honest, when Punnett is hosting the radio show, I turn the station. He just doesn’t have the voice to host that type of a show, he’s better suited for hard news. It makes me wonder how the show would do without Bell or Noory. George Noory says that he will do the show until 2012, when it is said by some that there will be “calamitous events” on this planet.

If you are ever on the road between 1 a.m. and 6 a.m. just hit the scan button on your radio and you’ll find the show on at least five stations, I’m willing to bet. Bell has a pretty calm demeanor and always is respectful to the callers. He also doesn’t screen his calls, which is almost unheard of. Noory also has a pretty mild demeanor, but the reason I prefer him over Bell is because he doesn’t make things too technical. Bell sometimes tries to delve way too deep into certain subjects.

So the winner of this one is George Noory. I don’t get to listen to the show as much as I used to, but if I’m up at that time I know that their show is the first place I’ll go for entertaining radio. Funny enough, the two didn’t meet until 2007, when Noory was presenting Bell with a lifetime achievement award.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

March Matchups: Gordon Solie vs. Jim Ross

I am a bit disappointed to learn that Gordon Solie will not be going into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame this year. There’s still time, yes, but it appears as though the late, great broadcaster will not be chosen. For me this is a real shame.The ceremonies are being held in Florida the weekend of Wrestlemania 24 and it was in the “Sunshine” state that Solie made his mark.

“Hello everyone and welcome to Championship Wrestling from Florida!” That was what greeted fans who tuned in every week to watch one of the hottest regional territories around. Solie was called the “Walter Cronkite” or the “Howard Cosell” of pro wrestling by some, while most just referred to him as the “Dean.” My memories of Solie are of him hosting Pro Wrestling This Week, which aired on WPIX (Channel 11 in these parts) in the mid-1980's and was similar to This Week In Baseball.

They showed clips of wrestling action from all over the country, except for the W.W.F. (which did not want their footage aired on the program). Solie’s gravelly, but distinguished voice, gave the “sport” of professional wrestling validity. He was a great one! Sadly, though, he was also a big critic of Vince McMahon, thus this leads to speculation that perhaps he has not been inducted into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame for this very reason. We’ll see.

Solie died of throat cancer in 2000 at the age of 71.

We match Gordon Solie up today with Jim Ross, also known as “Good Ole J.R.” The man from Oklahoma started off in the biz as a referee back in the early 1970's, before going on to doing play-by-play for the old Mid-South promotion (which later became known as the Universal Wrestling Federation). When the U.W.F. was swallowed up by the National Wrestling Alliance (N.W.A.), Ross began to get more and more face time with both promotions. The U.W.F. used to follow Pro Wrestling This Week on WPIX in the mid to late 1980's and boy did they have some legendary performers.

Ross, with his southern drawl, would call all the matches that featured Steve "Dr. Death” Williams, The Fabulous Ones, the late Eddie Gilbert and future superstar, Sting. Many criticized Ross for his ebullience, that some believed was too excessive. There were others that made fun of him for his constant referrals to a wrestler’s college sports background. Nonetheless, Ross has gone on to great things and was inducted into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame last year along with his broadcasting partner, Jerry "The King” Lawler. The two are the main commentators for the W.W.E. and call all the action every week on Monday Night Raw.

It’s really hard to pick a winner in this one and perhaps it is unfair of me because I didn’t get to hear enough of Solie. Still, Jim Ross wins this bout. He may go a bit overboard in his reactions at times, but his enthusiasm is just unmatched week in and week out. Ross has tried his hand at football and if he were to do that full-time he would undoubtedly be a household name. I think he’s that good!

He's also got a great blog, just click me to visit.

March Matchups: Anne Rice's New Book

We take a moment from all of the fast-paced action to post a couple of videos. Anne Rice’s new book, Chirst The Lord: The Road To Cana, came out a little over two weeks ago and even though I normally don't buy hardcover, I couldn't wait to grab this one.

Anyway, she posted two videos on YouTube in which she discusses where she got her information for the new book. Unfortunately, due to health reasons she won’t be doing a book tour. You may already know that I really admire her work and am a bit bummed to have read that she is not able to do a tour at this point in her life. She didn’t specify what those health reasons are, but I suppose after writing almost 30 books, she’s done plenty of travel throughout her illustrious career.

What I believe makes her a great writer is that she has the unique ability to make any subject matter compelling. When I read her books, I am completely consumed with the story. No matter if the setting is New Orleans, Cairo or Marseilles, her descriptive writing is so keen, that I feel as though I am in that exact location.

There hasn't been any other fictional writer that does that for me. Tom Wolfe's The Bonfire of the Vanities to a certain degree, but not quite, and that's only one book, I've read almost 20 of Anne Rice's novels and have never been disappointed. Never.

Monday, March 17, 2008

March Matchups: Billy Barty Named Official Referee!

After the stupendous officiating job done earlier today by Billy Barty, the March Matchups Commission has decided to make Mr. Barty the official referee for the rest of the matches at this year’s events. The late Billy Barty is a favorite of the Commission and we are honored that he has accepted the role as referee for all of the remaining bouts here at the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum. You can read his Wikipedia page here.

Mr. Barty began acting at the age of three and has been in such movies as The Bride of Frankenstein, Under The Rainbow, W.C. Fields and Me, Body Slam and many others. He’s also had roles on a countless number of television shows.

Barty (October 25, 1924–December 23, 2000), played the role of a tough fictional wrestler named Tim McCluskey in the movie Body Slam.

March Matchups: St. Patrick vs. St. Gerard

Hello everyone and welcome back to March Matchups! Today, being St. Patrick’s Day, I decided to pit together St. Patrick and St. Gerard, in what most assuredly is a classic confrontation.

Due to our society becoming more and more secular, the true meaning of St. Patrick’s Day is largely ignored, and that is that it is a Christian holiday. St. Patrick is credited with converting the majority of Ireland to Christianity. Legend also says that he drove the snakes out of the country, although many believe that the “snake” is more symbolic in this case as a reference to paganism. He also introduced the idea of the shamrock, which is a three-leaved clover that is representative of the Trinity. St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March 17 because that is the day of his death, although the exact year is debatable, it is believed to have occurred in the late fifth century.

On the other side of the ring, is St. Gerard, the patron saint of children, childbirth, mothers and expectant mothers. He was accused of being the father of a woman’s child, however, she later recanted her false accusations. Gerard, though went into silence during this time period, until his name was cleared. The idea of Gerard being the patron saint of children came out of this episode. Every year in the northern part of Ireland, the feast of St. Gerard is celebrated for eight days in October.

St. Patrick has the upper hand in this one, until I nail him with my shillelagh (and yes I do own one). St. Gerard covers for the win. What would you expect being that Gerard is my middle name, plus would you rather have eight days of festivities, or one? My point exactly.

March Matchups: Hornswoggle vs. King Brian with Billy Barty as Special Referee

March Matchups has come out flying today with our second bout: Hornswoggle vs. King Brian from the Disney classic, Darby O’Gill and the Little People (1959). I decided to bring in a special guest referee and who better than the legendary late, great Billy Barty. Mr. Barty showed his toughness in the movie, Body Slam, but also showed to be pretty comical in Under the Rainbow. That movie was made in the early 1980s when Chevy Chase was still funny and not running after teenagers at a Knicks' game – a story for another time.

Hornswoggle, of course, is the very controversial star in the W.W.E. Some people love him, while some folks absolutely despise the comic relief he provides. I’m fine with him in - excuse the expression - small doses. But I hated seeing him win the Cruiserweight Championship and at this point his name goes as the last to hold that once prestigious title. Nonetheless, it breaks things up and wrestling is, of course, all about the entertainment.

King Brian (pictured above) was played by Jimmy O’Dea in the Darby O’Gill movie which starred Sean Connery. He is said to be able to grant three wishes and plays a cat and mouse game with Darby O’Gill throughout the movie. The real King Brian is Brian Boru who was a great warrior that became the King of Ireland in the 11th century. A movie is set to come out in the next year or two about his life and will star Leonardo Dicaprio.

Though Horny proves to be formidable, it’s pretty hard to overcome those of royalty, therefore King Brian is the winner of this match!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

March Matchups: Inside The Squared Circle

We take a quick timeout from the fast and furious action here at March Matchups to bring you a few tidbits from the world of professional wrestling.

First off, W.W.E. CEO Linda McMahon appeared on CNBC’s “Mad Money” with Jim Cramer last night and the W.W.E. will follow things up with an appearance on Larry King tomorrow night. Scheduled to appear with King are W.W.E. Chairman Vince McMahon, John Cena, Chris Jericho and Floyd Mayweather.

Reportedly, the backstage reaction to Jeff Hardy failing another drug test has been met with shock, but also with little sympathy, and word is that Hardy is seen as someone blowing a golden opportunity.

CM Punk qualified for the Money in the Bank ladder match that's being held at Wrestlemania 24 with a countout victory over Big Daddy V last night.

There will also be a 24-man Battle Royal at Wrestlemania 24 with the winner facing Chavo Guerrero for the E.C.W. World Title on the spot.

So far, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, M.V.P. and the aforementioned Punk have all qualified for the M.I.T.B. match. There are two more spots open. Could Matt Hardy replace Jeff Hardy? Who will be the eighth man in? As they say, stay tuned.

Finally, Vince McMahon (pictured above giving a peptalk to Hornswoggle) is scheduled to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame Friday morning. Also, you can vote for your favorite Hornswoggle t-shirt by clicking here.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

March Matchups: "Battle Of The Black Widows" Jeanette Lee vs. Victoria

Welcome back to March Matchups folks for the "Battle of The Black Widows."

Jeanette Lee (pictured above), 36, is probably the most recognizable pool player around to the casual observer. Still, I’ll admit I don’t watch billiards for more than a second at a time, so for this match, I had to do some detective work on Lee.

The 36-year-old Brooklyn native is known as “The Black Widow” because of her habit of wearing black. Makes sense. Her opponent today, Victoria, is a former W.W.E. Women’s Champion and is also known as “The Black Widow.” Why has the 37-year-old taken on that nickname? Very simple Watson, I have no clue. I've only recently noticed her wearing some stuff that features a black spider. Regardless, these days Victoria seems to be playing a more and more prominent role on W.W.E. television. Lisa Marie Varon, her real name, is a former bodybuilder and was trained to be a pro wrestler by Dave"The Belfast Brawler"Finlay (Hornswoggle's "father"). The question is, could a woman wielding a pool cue (stick) overcome the strength of a professional wrestler?

Well, here’s how the match ends…

Lee is complaining to the ref about Victoria using a chokehold (as Victoria is doing to some poor sap in the picture above) and gets so heated she shoves the ref to the ground. Ever the opportunist, Victoria grabs the pool cue and slams Lee over the head with it. Victoria tosses the stick aside - just as “coincidentally” the referee is regaining his senses - and covers Lee for the pinfall victory.

Thus, the winner of the “Battle of The Black Widows” is Victoria!

Lee is an outsider and didn’t belong in a ring with a professional wrestler, much in the same way that Floyd Mayweather does not belong in the ring with The Big Show. ESPN got it wrong again, by recently stating that the Mayweather-Show match at Wrestlemania 24 is the “featured bout.” Wrong, wrong, wrong! No fan of wrestling is going to tell you that! I have no idea how much money the boxer-wrestler match will bring in, but for me, Shawn Michaels taking on Ric Flair in possibly "Slick Ric's" last match of his career is the featured attraction, even more than the two world title matches. Flair getting inducted into the W.W.E. Hall of Fame is also a huge event that weekend and for me that even overshadows Mayweather making a cameo at the biggest wrestling event of the year.

How big is the Flair induction ceremony? Well, a bunch of wrestlers from T.N.A. have bought tickets to the event, not to make a scene, but to honor one of the all-time greats and a true legend: Ric Flair. So if Flair is such a legend then why is he not at March Matchups? Aha, stay tuned, stay tuned!

Meanwhile, the W.W.E. was handed a big blow today when Jeff Hardy got suspended for 60 days for failing a drug test. This is his second suspension - the first was for 30 days - and clearly explains why Hardy dropped the W.W.E. Intercontinental Championship last night on Monday Night Raw.

Keep it in the Ring!

Monday, March 10, 2008

March Matchups: Fatman Scoop's "Be Faithful" vs. Heavy D & The Boyz' "Money Earnin' Mount Vernon"

Alright everyone we’ve got another great contest here today at the sold out Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum!

Fatman Scoop is busy doing a lot of different things these days in the world of entertainment (including his gig as a Hot 97 DJ), but back in 2003 he and his backup group, The Crooklyn Clan, put out “Be Faithful” which went to #1 in the United Kingdom. This is the type of song that is best listened to at full volume, in my opinion. Some folks mistakenly believe the name of this song is "Throw Your Hands Up," but they are misguided.

On the other side of the ring is Heavy D & The Boyz with “Money Earnin’ Mount Vernon.” Heavy D grew up in Mount Vernon and along with The Boyz is probably most noted for their song, “Now That We Found Love,” which was a big hit in 1991. Still, I’m partial to “Money Earnin’ Mount Vernon.” I know “the Vern” fairly well, and recognize many of the sights in the video, which you can view by clicking here. It's got a real old school feel to it.

Fatman Scoop’s song (featured above courtesy of YouTube) comes out as the winner in this one. It’s an upbeat, feel good kind of song, that might - I said might - even loosen up some of the tightasses in your life! Ask them to give it a try.

File me under satire!

Sunday, March 09, 2008

March Matchups: R.I.P. B.I.G.

We take a moment here at March Matchups to remember the late, great Chris"The Notorious B.I.G"Wallace who was murdered 11 years ago today at the age of 24. It is a testament to how much he accomplished that most would consider "Biggie Smalls" to be one of the greatest and most influential hip hop artists of all time, despite the way too short of a career that he had which ended so tragically. In the above video, Biggie collaborates with Faith Evans (who would later become his wife) and Mary J. Blige on the remix of "One More Chance/Stay With Me."

R.I.P. B.I.G.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

March Matchups: "The Battle of Everlong"

We rumble on folks with the "Battle of Everlong" here at March Matchups. The above video is an acoustic version of the Foo Fighters' Dave Grohl performing one of the band's hits, "Everlong," which was on the their second album, The Colour and the Shape (1997).

Rachel Fuller covers the song, but you will have to click here and then scroll through a song or two to get to it.

I like the Foo Fighters' version of it, but love Rachel Fuller's cover, which is rare because generally I only prefer the original version of a song.

Incredibly, I have never really heard the Foo Fighters' studio version of the song on the radio very much. Supposedly, "Everlong" is about the late Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Grohl, was the former drummer of Nirvana and allegedly wrote this song along with many others while he was in the band, but held them back so as to not disturb the group's chemistry.

Meanwhile, I read that Rachel Fuller may put this song on an album of demos on her MySpace page that will be available to download.

Nonetheless, in a very close bout and I'm sure not surprisingly to many of you, Rachel Fuller's version wins out.

I've been listening to her stuff for a little over three years and have never grown tired of her hauntingly beautiful voice.

By the way there are a couple of "plays" on some Led Zeppelin references in this post.

Discuss amongst yourselves...

Friday, March 07, 2008

March Matchups: 20-Person Over The Top Rope Blowhards Battle Royale

Hello and welcome back everyone to March Matchups! Our next contest is a 20-Person Over The Top Rope Blowhards Battle Royale (try to say that 10 times fast). Let's go up to the ring where Lilian Garcia is announcing the participants:

-Charles Barron (NYC Councilman and former Black Panther)
-Chris Berman (ESPN Broadcaster)
-“Psycho” Ward Churchill (Former University of Colorado Professor)
-Senator Hillary Clinton
-Ann Coulter (Conservative flamethrower)
-Maureen Dowd (New York Times’ Columnist/Manhater)
-Mike Francesa (WFAN Know-it-All)
-Rudy Giuliani (“America’s Mayor” my ass!)
-Bob “The Bully” Grant (WABC Talkie)
-David Gregory (NBC’s Chief White House Correspondent/Creep)
-Paul "The Bushbasher" Krugman (New York Times’ Columnist)
-Bill Maher (Politically Incorrect Host)
-Chris “The Interrupter” Matthews (MSNBC)
-Pierre McGuire (NBC Hockey Guy/Rangers Hater)
-Michael “Master Splicer” Moore (Filmmaker)
-Phil “Mr. Sloppy” Mushnick (New York Post)
-Keith “The Real Worst Person” Olbermann (MSNBC)
-Rev. Al “Slim Shady” Sharpton
-“The Smiling Assassin” Isiah Thomas (Knicks’ President/Coach)

So first off let’s define 'blowhard.' A quick perusal of gave us this definition: a boaster or braggart. Now onto the rules of the match which are that the only way to win is to be the last man standing in the ring after all other 19 participants have been thrown over the top rope with both of their feet hitting the floor of the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum.

So let the bodies hit the floor…

The match begins with the action being quite fast and furious. The great thing about a battle royale or a royal rumble match is the different pairings and confrontations that can occur. For example, Hillary Clinton and Ann Coulter have formed an unlikely pairing to do a number on Maureen Dowd. But, folks, in a strange sequence of events, immediately after the bell rang, Paul Krugman jumped over the top rope and down to the arena floor, thus eliminating himself. But what else could you expect from a weasel?

Bob Grant and Al Sharpton are exchanging rights and lefts at a feverish pace. Phil Mushnick and Mike Francesa immediately square off. Chris Berman goes right after former ESPN colleague Keith Olbermann. Meanwhile, our esteemed broadcasters at ringside, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler, note that 20 people did not begin the match, but rather 19. So who is missing?

There’s just too much action going on here to describe it all…We'll fast forward now to the final three: Chris Berman, Mike Francesa and Phil Mushnick. Francesa and Mushnick are wearing "crimson masks," that is, they have both been bloodied pretty badly or perhaps they used blood capsules. The three are all looking at one another and ready to pounce, when all of a sudden out of nowhere comes Donald “The Ogre” Gibb. He points at the three men in the ring and yells his trademark, “Nerds!” The 6’4” actor (pictured above) noted for his role in Revenge of the Nerds, storms the ring and quickly throws each man over the top and down to the Coliseum floor.

Thus, "The Ogre" is your winner!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

March Matchups: The Rolling Stones’ “Undercover of the Night” vs. Golden Earring’s “Twilight Zone”

Wow folks things are moving quickly here at the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum. That gives me a chance to tell you that March Matchups will run until Sunday March 30. Yes the same day as Wrestlemania 24. I hope you are sitting down because it is now time to tell you about our main event, which is a bout that no one else would dare to put together. A battle between two gladiators that no one else even had the guts or the money to promote. But I am happy to tell you that the dream matchup is signed, sealed and will be delivered on March 30. Because that’s when Hulk Hogan will take on “Stone Cold” Steve Austin!

Now we go to our next match which is a battle of songs. For whatever reason – perhaps because both tunes are kind of dark and accompanied by strange videos - these two songs have always reminded me of one another: The Rolling Stones’ "Undercover of the Night," recorded in 1983, and Golden Earring’s "Twilight Zone," recorded in 1982. What makes this bout further intriguing is that Golden Earring, a Dutch Band founded in 1961, is the oldest still performing rock group in the world, surpassing only the Stones who were founded in 1962. As they say down south folks, Katie bar the door 'cause we're about to have a peer six brawl!!!

Golden Earring is a pretty underappreciated band in North America, but hugely successful in Europe. Go figure. It's a close match, but Mick and the boys prevail despite the silly pencil thin mustache that Jagger sports in the video.

So the winner of this contest, "Undercover of the Night!"

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

March Matchups: Battle of the Stupid & Humorous Quotes

We continue on with March Matchups and a real jim-dandy of a contest here at the Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum. We've all said things that perhaps came out the wrong way or were just flat out dumb. But these folks are in the public eye and so their vocal flatulence remains on the books for all to see and these days courtesy of YouTube, can be heard as well. So away we go:

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President.

"You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say." - Bill Clinton, former U.S. President.

“There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002.

"I would say that anything that is indecent and violent in TV is a crime against humanity and they should shoot the head man responsible." - Ted Turner, Media Mogul.

"I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." - Alicia Silverstone, Actress.

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather." - Arab News report.

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." - Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman.

"A 'No Parking' sign at a certain location means..." - multiple choice question on NY State learner's permit test.

"Any person who shall lead or drive a bear upon any highway shall be fined not more than $50." - Connecticut General Statutes, Section 6215.

The winner of this bout goes to Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman. You sound like a really up-beat sort of chap! Congratulations Mark!

Incidentally, I compiled these from various Websites, particularly,

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

March Matchups: "Battle of the Playboy Covers" Candice Michelle vs. Maria Kanellis

Shelli Sonstein - now on Q104.3 but formerly of WPLJ - used to forewarn listeners to take the "little children out of the room" if they didn’t want to hear one of her “naughty” jokes, back when she was doing morning drive at WPLJ in the 1980s. So for those who might get a bit huffy about our latest bout at March Matchups, I am giving you fair warning, though I doubt there are many folks that frequent this blog that would get bent out of shape upon seeing these two magazine covers.

Last night on Monday Night Raw, the cover of the current Playboy Magazine featuring W.W.E. Diva Maria Kanellis was unveiled. Today, the magazine hits newsstands, so we decided to match up the Maria cover with the one that Candice Michelle appeared on (April 2006).

I’m a big fan of the in-ring ability of Candice Michelle, so the “face” of Go Daddy wins this one hands down. I figure a picture is worth a thousand words, so it wasn't necessary for me to write too much for this contest.

Last year as part of March Matchups we featured a similar "Battle of the Playmates," in which Ashley’s cover defeated Torrie Wilson & Sable’s cover. If you would like to walk down memory lane, click here.

Monday, March 03, 2008

March Matchups: Bennifer vs. Billary

Welcome back ladies and gentleman to March Matchups, where we are ready for a real hostile battle to take place between Bennifer (Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez) and Billary (Bill/Hillary Clinton).

The bell rings with Lopez and Hillary immediately locking up. J-Lo stuns Clinton with some sharp chops to her chest and an elbow to her forehead. But the Senator doesn’t go down easy, she resorts to a quick hair pull and then a nasty eye gouge.

With Lopez momentarily stunned, Hillary walks over to the corner where Bill hands her something. Why, it looks like a roll of quarters! Lopez charges at Mrs. Clinton only to get met by a clenched fist from the presidential hopeful! J-Lo is knocked out and easy prey for the pinfall victory. It’s clear that Senator Clinton hit Lopez with a roll of quarters, because there are now quarters scattered all over the ring.

While ring announcer Lilian Garcia is announcing the Clintons as the winners, referee Dewey Cheatem is taking an envelope (filled with hundreds?) from Bill Clinton and stuffing it down his pants.

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, this is all too reminiscent of the time that President Clinton’s former National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger, got caught stuffing his trousers with classified documents from the National Archives in Washington, D.C. By the way, Berger did plead guilty to misdemeanor charges in 2005.

Hmmm, I bet if that was you or I, we’d be spending some time in a federal prison if we even stole bubble gum let alone classified documents.

Discuss amongst yourselves…

Meanwhile, the winners of the bout: Billary!

File me under satire!

Sunday, March 02, 2008

March Matchups: J-Lo vs. LiLo

After Ms. Garcia is finished with her quite moving performance of "America the Beautiful," the crowd erupts when Jennifer Lopez comes down to the ring. Lopez, while holding a microphone, tells Lilian how great of a singer she is and that perhaps they could collaborate on an album someday. Before Garcia has a chance to answer, Lindsey Lohan jumps out of her ringside seat – yes folks the stars are out tonight – and tells J-Lo that she, Li’Lo, is the “in thing” today and that J-Lo is "out."

Lopez and Garcia just look at each other in shock, while Li’Lo gloatingly holds up a copy of New York Magazine (pictured above) which features Lohan doing her best “Marilyn Monroe.” Lohan says that she wants a match with Lopez right now! So, Lilian Garcia jumps out of the ring and a referee comes down. We’ve got our first match of March Matchups: J-Lo vs. LiLo.

The match starts off quickly as both ladies exchange punches, kicks and some hair pulls. Lopez quickly shows her martial arts background with some spinning leg kicks and a couple of chops to Lohan’s throat. Apparently, Lopez learned the art of self-defense while filming Enough. She then takes Lohan and whips her into the corner and follows up by running and leaping into Lohan butt first. LiLo is out cold and J-Lo covers her for the easy win.

Lopez then goes over to the corner where Lohan’s New York Magazine is laying. She rips the front cover off of it and stuffs it into Lohan’s mouth, adding insult to injury. Our ring announcer makes the result official announcing the winner of our first match: Jennifer "J-Lo" Lopez.

J-Lo does not have long to celebrate, however, as out of nowhere Hillary Clinton appears at ringside with a microphone in her hand and her husband, Bill, in tow.

“You may think you are something by beating up that little girl, but my 35 years of experience is something you wouldn’t be able to handle,”Hillary screeches.

Our esteemed broadcasters, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross, look at one another appearing quite bewildered. They ponder Mrs. Clinton’s claim of "35 years of experience." Ponderous man, just ponderous.

Hillary is relentless with her verbal assault and tells Lopez to go get a tag team partner and take on the “dirtiest players in the game,” stealing a line from legendary wrestler Ric Flair. J-Lo’s husband, Marc Anthony, comes down to the ring to overwhelming laughter. Hillary points at Anthony and laughs, saying he’s about as tough as John Edwards and that he should be busy getting his nails done. At that, Ben Affleck comes out of the audience dressed in a Boston Red Sox jogging suit and sporting a "Vanilla Ice" haircut. He agrees to team up with his ex-flame. So we’ve got ourselves a tag team war ladies and gentleman.

It’s Bennifer vs. Billary!

March Matchups: Happy Birthday Roger Daltrey!

Before we get to Bennifer vs. Billary, we take a moment to welcome Roger Harry Daltrey to the ring and to wish him a happy 64th birthday! The crowd roars as Mr. Daltrey steps inside the squared circle. Daltrey celebrated his birthday yesterday in London before hopping a red-eye to be in attendance for March Matchups.

In tribute, a video airs on the Dudleytron (large video screen above the ring) showing The Who's frontman singing "See Me Feel Me/Listening To You" at Woodstock in 1969. A great moment in the history of rock and roll!

There aren't many people I have a strong desire to meet on this planet, but Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend are two that definitely top my list!

Ah well, dare to dream!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

March Matchups: A New Beginning!

Hello everyone and welcome to March Matchups the biggest extravaganza ever to hit the Blogosphere! So much has changed since last year when Hulk Hogan defeated Ric Flair and Bruno Sammartino in a "triple threat" match. The Dudleys trashed the Rangers In Seven Arena, but instead of just refurbishing it, I decided to get a brand new arena built.

OK first, rumors that I fleeced the city council for funding are highly exaggerated. Second, the old Rangers In Seven Arena just wasn’t up to snuff. Yes, we were able to cram 80,000 people into the building and it also had 5,000 luxury boxes. But there was one huge problem: the popcorn machines.

Gosh darn it, I give the fans what they want and they wanted popcorn machines that could pump out popcorn like nobody’s business! So in this brand new arena that I am standing in right now you will find that we have the world’s fastest, most sophisticated popcorn machines anywhere.

The seating capacity is again 80,000 but this time we have 10,000 luxurious luxury boxes. I once heard Martha Stewart use the words ‘perfectly perfect’ in succession, well I almost gagged, but that’s what this arena is. It’s better than perfect! That is, until a few years from now when it becomes obsolete.

Oh and unlike some new stadiums that are selling out to corporate sponsors, I would not partake in such gluttony. No this arena is about competition and fierce battles amongst gladiators, and who represents that better than the late Big Dick Dudley? So, ladies and gentleman, I welcome you to the brand new Big Dick Dudley Memorial Coliseum!

Let’s go to the ring…

We start out by welcoming our commentators, Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler who take their seats at the broadcast table at ringside. A video recording of the late Kate Smith singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" plays on the Dudleytron (more on that later).

Next, the lovely and talented Lilian Garcia comes down to the ring and is greeted by thunderous applause. She’ll not only serve as the ring announcer, but will also sing "America the Beautiful." The above video is of Lilian performing the song at a Monday Night Raw show on September 11, 2006.

Garcia, a self-professed "military brat," always puts a great deal of passion into her renditions of "The Star-Spangled Banner" and "America the Beautiful," which is quite evident here with the latter song.